This Page Is Empty No Longer

This page is empty 
No longer
My life is full 
Of bliss 
And joy
And challenges
Appropriate for each moment
As my soul soars along its path 
Following the magnetic pull
Of that unknowable attractor
Which manifests in my body
As something that just
Feels right.

This page is full of love 
I’m diving in
Dashing through 
Gasping for air
These strokes of a pencil
(Armed with an eraser—just in case)
Are cutting through whiteness
Like a knife would
Through wood
A chisel
Through stone
Freeing up whatever shapes 
Are hiding in there
Waiting to be discovered
And revealed to the world.

The page is blank no longer
It never really was
To begin with.
Countless hands
Have worked countless hours
Countless trees
Have grown for years
To become this playground
For my memories
Of that which never happened
Or maybe — all too real —
Had to be forgotten
Buried
Like nuclear waste
A “gift” for our grandchildren
Time borrowed from the future
Energy stolen from the past
Tucked away 
Iced over
Until I come along.

This page has always been
Filled with—fill in the blank—
Filled with unspeakable

Because they just couldn’t say it. 

Did they know that I’d come along?
Did they hope?

So here I am
With my awareness 
With my free time
(I snuck away from kids and 
sleep and work and dirty dishes) 
With my abundant life
My joy and my resourcefulness
My loving kindness
My meditation techniques 
My bodily presence
My safe environment
And therapy
And loving family
My complex vocabulary
For how we integrate 
Complexity.

I’m here
And I’m available. 

Whatever needs to be
Unpacked
Unfrozen
Processed
Integrated 
Released
Resolved
Understood
Appreciated
Healed

I can do so.

I am the vessel
And I am the earth 
And I am this page 
Smeared with lines of graphite 
Meaningful only to me.

Perhaps someday 
They will light up as pixels
As someone else’s canvas 
Gets filled
With undigested past
So familiar
That the vibrational resonance
Will grow and grow and grow
Until BOOM
Like fireworks
It will explode over our heads 
And light up everyone's faces 
With joy
Dissolving into billions
Of tiny golden particles
Of pure energy
That can finally be free
And find its home 
Somewhere else
In joy
While all our ancestors 
Sigh with relief
Unclench their tired bones 
And fall deeper into
Blissful sleep
With timeless dreams
Of the futurre
Of love
And of the vastness of space
So full 
Of glowing stars.

10/17/20